Unsurprising, really.
1 day ago
Thursday, November 19, 2009
look! shoes!
Look at these great shoes I got! They are made of plastic, and I call them my Wonkas. Important note: they also come in purple.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I love you, blogs and coffee
Oh, to have time to blog! I would be blogging, but instead I'm feigning participation in National Novel Writing Month. But as I was sitting in Luna today eating a delicious mushroom scramble wrap and a girl across from me was blogging and I was so jealous!
And, in other news, though my novel is approximately one half page long, we opened two shows this month, and we'll open our sixth since September in two weeks. Hahaha. I'm incredulous about the whole thing, and I work here and know that it's actually happened.
So I'm trading blog-writing for wearing rubber shoes and constantly quoting Macbeth. But that's okay.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
letters
Dear Chai of Sri Lanka,
It's like I poured a tablespoon of honey and spice in you. But I did not. You are delicious.
From,
Me
Dear my Wisdom Teeth,
Please go back inside.
From,
Me
Dear Autumn,
Don't be so rainy.
From,
Me
It's like I poured a tablespoon of honey and spice in you. But I did not. You are delicious.
From,
Me
Dear my Wisdom Teeth,
Please go back inside.
From,
Me
Dear Autumn,
Don't be so rainy.
From,
Me
Thursday, October 08, 2009
god dammit Harvard Lampoon!
WTF! Goddammit, Harvard Lampoon! You took my novel idea for National Novel Writing Month. Goddammit! Now I'm not just pissed off because I didn't write Twilight, I'm pissed off because I didn't get to write the parody of Twilight that I invented! Goddammit.
Here are my amazing notes for this very important novel that now will never see the light because I was beaten to it:
Bedbites: The Worst Teenage Novel in the World, the Movie!
Goals: Exploiting the pain of my teenage years for profit. Hopefully Zooey Deschenel will play me.
Moral of the Story: IT guys in goth clubs are the vampires of the real world. At least in Waterloo, ON.
Starring!
Punk rock asian guy
80s guy
Flock of Seagulls Guy
The guy that wears the military uniform that he stole from a museum
And all my sexy teenage friends!
(Teenagers might not have been as sexy as shown.)
PROLOGUE :: Here I am in my robe. This is the bed I rented.
Dear Reader,
Thank you for purchasing this novel, which is soon to be made into a major motion picture. The goal of this work is to exploit the pain of my teenage years for profit. Hopefully, Zooey Deschenel will play me. Imagine, Zooey Deschenel, but with brown eyes and less cute hair. Also she has spent the last year getting the majority of her vegetables from pizza toppings. That's me!
Thank you. Now that you have that delightful characterization pictured in your mind's eye, you can enjoy, Bedbites: The Worst Teenage Novel in the World, The Movie!
Sincerely,
Tanya Doroslovac
CHAPTER 1 :: Writer's Block (JUST KIDDING! NO SELF-REFERENTIAL CHAPTER TITLES ALLOWED IN THIS BOOK!)
CHAPTER 2 :: The Underground
CHAPTER 3 :: Heartthrobs!
And now a summary of Nightlight, from the Harvard Lampoon, from Perez:
"It's the first time in 40 years that The Harvard Lampoon has released a parody novel and we think they've picked the perfect victim for their humor: Twilight!
Now, before you grab your pitchforks tween vampire lovers, give it a chance! The press release sent out by the publishers, Vintage Books, explains:
“Nightlight stakes at the heart of what makes Twilight tick…or, really, cuts to the core of it…. Brooding and hilarious, let Nightlight be your guide through the Twilight fandom that has eclipsed the mind of every teenager you have ever met.”
The story follows a young high school student named Belle Goose who moves to Switchblade, Oregon, and meets Edwart Mullen, a “super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls.”
Are you laughing yet? Okay, we'll keep going:
Belle is all about vampires and convinces herself that Edwart is in fact a being of the undead. She comes to this conclusion after seeing him do things she considers "otherworldly"(”Edwart leaves his Tater Tots™ untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!”)"
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Opening Morning
Ahhh! We just opened our first show of the season! And guess what - it's incredibly vital and clear! Even I hated reading Oedipus Rex in high school (though I totally crushed on Hamlet) so it's quite a feat how clear and fast-paced and exciting this production is. The music, the video, the makeup - everything just makes sense. I'm so happy about this new show. Pictures as soon as I can get the pictures off of Willo's computer.
Monday, September 21, 2009
martyr for my love for you
So don't worry everyone - I know it seems like I've got things figured out, with this cool job and a boyfriend I dress in plaid - I'm still the biggest dork ever.
I wasn't intending to go all Beatlemania on the White Stripes when they arrived at the front of the Elgin for the premiere of Under Great White Northern Lights at TIFF, though yes, I was concealing an original Elephant vinyl in my canvas bag, along with a permanent marker just purchased at the dollar store. And yes, possibly I had spent over $200.00 on an outfit for the occasion, damn you, Anthropologie. But I had been doing such a good job of typing on my Blackberry and looking unimpressed after wandering casually over to the press area. Actually, I was not typing anything of more importance than omg lol how come no one is kicking me out of the press area?
Finally a tall guy in corduroy approached me. I was fairly certain he was going to say "Are you with Road, Movie? If you're a ticket holder, you'll have to move back to the line." but instead he said "Hi. Is your name Tanya? Because your friend Jill in line says you're a huge White Stripes fan, and I just wanted to tell you that I'm a bigger fan than you are."
"Well, maybe you are. Let's see what vinyl you've got there." It was Icky Thump.
"What have you got?"
"Elephant." So, I had him there.
We talked about the shows we'd been too, and I was totally jealous that in 2007 he saw the Toronto show along with the London and Ottawa shows. In London, he said, it was Jack's birthday and he got drunk and fell into Meg's drum kit and knocked her over. In Ottawa, they weren't allowed into the Blues Festival because the organizers said they didn't play the blues, so they played about three White Stripes songs and blues covers for the rest of the night. Argh, what a show.
I told him about Transit, the band Jack White is producing that's made up from members of the Nashville Metro Transportation Authority and he told me about Cab Calloway's rendition of St. James Infirmary Blues in this terrifying Betty Boop cartoon. Hundreds of Visa card holders went in before us. Hilariously, in hindsight, I mistook the Visa Unlimited card in my wallet for a mere Silver Visa and didn't jump to the front of the line.
Somehow, for once, I was at the right place at the right time. Jack and Meg got out of the car just as we were getting forced to move by the security guards. I betrayed my formerly cool exterior by being unable to control myself shouting Jack! Jack! Jack! in an abnormally high pitched voice and clutching my Blackberry to my chest while my knees tried to collapse. The press started taking pictures and we all kept yelling and I, at least, acted fairly crazed, but he just wouldn't turn around, until after the corduroy fellow and I were pushed along by security.
Meg walked by first and Cords was so polite: "Meg, would you please sign this?" and she totally looked right at him and reached out for the sharpie before getting denied by security. "That's okay, she looked right at me, she was going to sign it, she is so cool. She looks so good!"
Security continued to get angry at us for hanging around, even though, realistically, there were maybe 6 people dressed in red and white that were super excited, not a whole mob of screamers like at some of the films. Finally a TIFF guy took pity on my crazy face and told us to go back around the bar and stand there to await Jack, who was still standing, like right over there. Some girls followed us to our hiding spot, and Cords, who was in it to win it, told them very nicely that we were there first, and they are welcome to take pictures if they'd like, but we are going to meet him and don't screw this up for us, please and thank you. Being at a Canadian film festival, the girls politely agreed.
So I'm now clutching my red vinyl with two hands while holding this permanent marker that I'm sort of afraid is going to get all over my new dress, while also holding my movie ticket and my bag. Cords is like Put the cap back on the marker it's going to dry out! No! Hold it like this! You hold the cap, he's going to take the marker part and sign it and everything suddenly seems like, impossibly complicated. If you don't move, I am going to push you forward, and I'm not trying to get ahead of you, I am pushing you into him, okay?
I said, Okay, if he signs mine I'll break it in half and you can have part of it.
And then! Jack walks right towards us down that hallway and Cords pushes me towards him, and I just beam and am unable to speak words, because he looks so goddamn beautiful and dapper. Jack looks at me and my record and smiles right at me, at which point my eyes fill up with tears of happiness, and Cords puts out his hand, which Jack takes and shakes at the same time as walking away. All I really wanted to express was Thank You for All of Your Music, and your Psychic Abilities that Make it so Personal To Me. And being psychic, I think Jack got that from my agog but ecstatic expression.
Then Cords and I hugged it out and sort of said ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod until we got into the theatre and found seats. White Stripes fans forever!
Jill had been saving me seats, and had basically missed my meltdown (although she got to experience it days later because there was a point where I was trying to call her, but I called her work number instead and left a message that essentially said, again, ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod) and laughed when I tried to explain what had just happened. Are you shaking?
I was totally shaking, I've been shaking for days.
And yes, the movie was great, sort of heartbreaking, which I didn't expect. And no, Jack White didn't hold my hand and sing me a song like Billy Idol did, but I guess a girl can't have everything. But we can have cunning plans for more stalking in Nashville, 2010.
I wasn't intending to go all Beatlemania on the White Stripes when they arrived at the front of the Elgin for the premiere of Under Great White Northern Lights at TIFF, though yes, I was concealing an original Elephant vinyl in my canvas bag, along with a permanent marker just purchased at the dollar store. And yes, possibly I had spent over $200.00 on an outfit for the occasion, damn you, Anthropologie. But I had been doing such a good job of typing on my Blackberry and looking unimpressed after wandering casually over to the press area. Actually, I was not typing anything of more importance than omg lol how come no one is kicking me out of the press area?
Finally a tall guy in corduroy approached me. I was fairly certain he was going to say "Are you with Road, Movie? If you're a ticket holder, you'll have to move back to the line." but instead he said "Hi. Is your name Tanya? Because your friend Jill in line says you're a huge White Stripes fan, and I just wanted to tell you that I'm a bigger fan than you are."
"Well, maybe you are. Let's see what vinyl you've got there." It was Icky Thump.
"What have you got?"
"Elephant." So, I had him there.
We talked about the shows we'd been too, and I was totally jealous that in 2007 he saw the Toronto show along with the London and Ottawa shows. In London, he said, it was Jack's birthday and he got drunk and fell into Meg's drum kit and knocked her over. In Ottawa, they weren't allowed into the Blues Festival because the organizers said they didn't play the blues, so they played about three White Stripes songs and blues covers for the rest of the night. Argh, what a show.
I told him about Transit, the band Jack White is producing that's made up from members of the Nashville Metro Transportation Authority and he told me about Cab Calloway's rendition of St. James Infirmary Blues in this terrifying Betty Boop cartoon. Hundreds of Visa card holders went in before us. Hilariously, in hindsight, I mistook the Visa Unlimited card in my wallet for a mere Silver Visa and didn't jump to the front of the line.
Somehow, for once, I was at the right place at the right time. Jack and Meg got out of the car just as we were getting forced to move by the security guards. I betrayed my formerly cool exterior by being unable to control myself shouting Jack! Jack! Jack! in an abnormally high pitched voice and clutching my Blackberry to my chest while my knees tried to collapse. The press started taking pictures and we all kept yelling and I, at least, acted fairly crazed, but he just wouldn't turn around, until after the corduroy fellow and I were pushed along by security.
Meg walked by first and Cords was so polite: "Meg, would you please sign this?" and she totally looked right at him and reached out for the sharpie before getting denied by security. "That's okay, she looked right at me, she was going to sign it, she is so cool. She looks so good!"
Security continued to get angry at us for hanging around, even though, realistically, there were maybe 6 people dressed in red and white that were super excited, not a whole mob of screamers like at some of the films. Finally a TIFF guy took pity on my crazy face and told us to go back around the bar and stand there to await Jack, who was still standing, like right over there. Some girls followed us to our hiding spot, and Cords, who was in it to win it, told them very nicely that we were there first, and they are welcome to take pictures if they'd like, but we are going to meet him and don't screw this up for us, please and thank you. Being at a Canadian film festival, the girls politely agreed.
So I'm now clutching my red vinyl with two hands while holding this permanent marker that I'm sort of afraid is going to get all over my new dress, while also holding my movie ticket and my bag. Cords is like Put the cap back on the marker it's going to dry out! No! Hold it like this! You hold the cap, he's going to take the marker part and sign it and everything suddenly seems like, impossibly complicated. If you don't move, I am going to push you forward, and I'm not trying to get ahead of you, I am pushing you into him, okay?
I said, Okay, if he signs mine I'll break it in half and you can have part of it.
And then! Jack walks right towards us down that hallway and Cords pushes me towards him, and I just beam and am unable to speak words, because he looks so goddamn beautiful and dapper. Jack looks at me and my record and smiles right at me, at which point my eyes fill up with tears of happiness, and Cords puts out his hand, which Jack takes and shakes at the same time as walking away. All I really wanted to express was Thank You for All of Your Music, and your Psychic Abilities that Make it so Personal To Me. And being psychic, I think Jack got that from my agog but ecstatic expression.
Then Cords and I hugged it out and sort of said ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod until we got into the theatre and found seats. White Stripes fans forever!
Jill had been saving me seats, and had basically missed my meltdown (although she got to experience it days later because there was a point where I was trying to call her, but I called her work number instead and left a message that essentially said, again, ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod) and laughed when I tried to explain what had just happened. Are you shaking?
I was totally shaking, I've been shaking for days.
And yes, the movie was great, sort of heartbreaking, which I didn't expect. And no, Jack White didn't hold my hand and sing me a song like Billy Idol did, but I guess a girl can't have everything. But we can have cunning plans for more stalking in Nashville, 2010.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
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