small potatoes

2011-02-20T00:16:00.000-05:00

Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?

Setlists

2011-02-03T10:45:00.002-05:00

This was the greatest night of my life.

September 16, 2005

When I Hear My Name
Blue Orchid
Passive Manipulation
Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground
Jolene (D. Parton)
My Doorbell
Cannon
John The Revelator (Trad)
The Union Forever
Look Me Over Closely (T. Gilkyson)
Hotel Yorba
You're Pretty Good Looking
Hello Operator
Death Letter (Son House)
The Nurse
Forever Is For Her
Do
Lets Shake Hands
Walking With A Ghost (Tegan And Sara)
Ball And Biscuit
Instinct Blues

ENCORE
The Hardest Button To Button
Cold Cold Night
As Ugly As I Seem
We Are Going To Be Friends
The Denial Twist
Black Math
Red Rain
Seven Nation Army
Boll Weevil (Leadbelly)

This was the second greatest.

July 5, 2007

When I Hear My Name
Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
Icky Thump
Effect and Cause
Hotel Yorba
You're Pretty Good Looking (For A Girl)
Hello Operator
Cannon/John the Revelator (Trad.)
Death Letter (Son House)
Jolene (Dolly Parton)
I'm Slowly Turning Into You
I Think I Smell a Rat - A Martyr For My Love For You (interspersed)

ENCORE
Black Math
In the Cold, Cold Night
We're Going to Be Friends
My Doorbell
The Union Forever
Fell In Love With a Girl
Ball and Biscuit
Seven Nation Army
Boll Weevil (Trad.)

III

New project alert: the Black Lodge bathroom.

2011-01-26T10:42:00.006-05:00

Chevron Bath Mat from West Elm.

http://www.westelm.com/products/tribal-bath-mat-b614/?pkey=ctowels-bathmats

Red shower curtains (velvet probably isn't ideal for the bath)

http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Mata-Hari-Garnet-Shower-Curtain/4356104/product.html?cid=143937&fp=F&mr:referralID=35fc89

06-2963-11e0-b21a-001b2166c2c0

One Eyed Jack's print from Etsy.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/30564226/twin-peaks-tribute-screen printedposterref=sr_list_3&ga_search_query=audrey%2Bhorne&ga_search_type=handmade

Is this stupid or amazing? BOTH!

2010-07-22T21:24:00.000-04:00

So, Thriller makes an excellent point. At the next world cup, we will be thirty. This realization was met with the requesite pouts until we saw the genius opportunity. Our thirtieth birthdays will be celebrated in Brazil' drinking shots of gin every time Beckham looks disappointed, which is constantly; for weeks.
And I've already decided that my 27th will be celebrated at Madeleines, Pie and Ice Cream because of a very special encounter I had this week with a slice of key lime pie and a backyard cabana. So now that that's all taken care of, I can, you know... plan the trip to Europe that's happening in a month. And then I can fix that oil spill. Oh, and make a mystery movie. And found a theatre festival. And sell hundreds of thousands of dollars of tickets to plays. You see... It's a busy summer. And there aren't enough pool parties.

Almost Liveblogging the Sporting Life 10K!

2010-05-01T15:02:00.002-04:00

Join me for the event of a lifetime, my first 10K race! The event that I managed to procrastinate two entire years before actually doing!

What I'm doing right now:

- putting the This American Life that I saved up for the event on my iPod

- being mad at Apple because I have four iPods spread out in front of me and I'm not 100% sure that any of them will be up to the event of actually playing This American Life into my ears tomorrow

- collecting my running shoes and gear

- getting my dress ready for the hotel bar at the Metropolitan (also finding a bathing suit for the pool)

- deciding what kind of snacks to eat while watching Prefontaine and Glee

For your entertainment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEQDO19JR2I&feature=related

The opening scene of Chariots of Fire, I movie I love so much that I once actually performed a skating solo in shorts and a t-shirt and a race number to this song.

Related conversation:

T: I love that movie. I've watched that movie ten times.

O: It's not really an inspirational running movie, though. What is it even about?

T: What do you mean? It's about England's Olympic team and their adventures.

O: No, it's about a protestant and a jew, and they're running to... overcome prejudice.

T: I don't remember that part of the movie. He was running for god, but I don't think he was jewish.

O: Sigh.

let's run then shop!

2010-04-17T17:33:00.003-04:00

It's nice, this running a little bit further every week. Every week I get to think, well, that's the farthest I've ever run. It's a nice little accomplishment when the smallest accomplishments increasingly seem elusive. My legs, though, are not as excited about this proposition as my self-esteem. In fact, I think every part of my legs hurt.

I did like 11km of shopping today. Living downtown is really starting to get to me. I try to have my own little bit of personal style, but Toronto almost convinced me to buy boat shoes twice today. Boat shoes! I managed to avoid the Trendy Moccasin, but the Trendy Topsider is even worse. At this rate I'm going to buy Trendy Desert Boots for the fall. And then my creativity will be officially dead.

Hi spring! Hi allergies! Super allergies. Or maybe the obligatory after-winter cold? We'll see.

we interrupt blogging silence for this important haiku

2010-04-15T16:52:00.003-04:00

Would you like water

in your americano?

Yes; that's how it's made.

world cup of ufc

2010-02-04T10:46:00.002-05:00

Indoor soccer is so funny. Mainly because it bears no resemblance to actual soccer, and yet people still play it.

I guess I was coddled and precious growing up in KW, where we never played soccer in a gym (except for that one season where we had a personal trainer and played crab soccer, and I don't even want to think about that) because we always had Bechtel Park and Budd Park, and now RIM park, and generally, all of the indoor fields we could ever use, and we always got first access to them because we were (cough) rep teams.

So the fact that I am playing soccer in a gym now is pretty funny. I mean funny, haha. People sprint around and crash into each other at top speed and kick the ball against the wall as hard as they possibly can and always get tangled up in those gym-separator curtains and scream about it without any indication of knowing how ridiculous they look. I know I also look pretty ridiculous when I fall down for no reason (but I do that in outside soccer too) or say, get a ball kicked into my face from two metres away and then my face is numb for half an hour and I can't make words right or smile.

Indoor soccer is like a combination of soccer (5%), physics (25%) and UFC (70%). Sometimes you pass the ball towards a teammate or the net, a lot of the time you think about angles of reflection, and most of the time you just wail on some dude. And yet we love soccer so much that we will risk our ankles and knees and dignity and travel all the way out to god knows where (thanks, ttc trip planner) in order to do it.

what a day to go on vacation

2010-01-29T11:34:00.002-05:00

This one time....

- We went to Pittsburgh for the International Performing Arts for Youth conference!

- We did a presentation there and it was great!

- We met lots of nice people that are interested in our shows!

- We did so well, in fact, that I decided to go to LA for hot and sour soup!

Then:

- I got on a plane to LA

- I went to a party in outerspace

- I went to a redwood forest in a cafeteria

- I went to a pirate bar full of cowboys

- I went to the beach

- I got hot and sour soup, and my fortune cookie told me that I never act impulsively when money is concerned, which was great since I flew across the continent for hot and sour soup

- I got pulled over by highway patrol

Meanwhile:

- The truck broke down

- Everybody bought cowboy hats

- The front page of the Toronto Star happened

- Then CBC radio, then the National Post

In conclusion,

I chose the wrong three days to go on vacation.

crazy schemes 2009

2009-12-02T13:06:00.002-05:00

There are a variety of crazy schemes I conceived in 2009 that I haven't actually had time to do. It seems like I should probably try and birth them all before the start of 2010 (one month less a day from today). But that's actually a crazy scheme in itself and doesn't actually solve any problems.

1. SCTV Meets This American Life Podcast. For about a month I was completely obsessed with the idea of making a Torontonian's This American Life. Why is this a crazy scheme? Because I assume it will immediately be picked up by the CBC.

2. The Moustache Shoppe. I want to open a Moustache Shoppe at 100 Ossington, to sell Accoutrements for the Modern Gentleperson. Will I actually open up a retail operation? No. The goal is to make a really great sign that says "Moustache Shoppe: Opening Soon!" and then have that put up by BlogTo under new businesses, and then never open, but continue to work behind the sign with a locked door and giggle.

3. Soda Fountain. Why can't I get a proper cucumber soda in this town! Alternatively, or possibly concurrently with the Moustache Shoppe, I want to open a Soda Fountain with the best sodas in the world.

4. Canadian Independent Play Trust. This is an amazing thing that I invented which if I had five minutes of time I would get funding and make.

5. Record a Concept Album, Make Millions of Dollars. Some people I know should record a concept album so that I may take all the credit for being Official Album Project Manager.

people that need a makeover: me

2009-12-01T12:38:00.003-05:00

Sigh, I feel a real mess today. Not only did the garbage trucks drive around my building at two o'clock in the morning again, as is their constant and unerring wont, but this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed that I've aged about 15 years in the last six months, and look kind of a gross 33 instead of the uppity eighteen year old I'm used to seeing. I knew I was going to age eventually, I just didn't expect it to all happen at once.

I don't really know what to do about this. Get a haircut? Run around the block? Stop this bizarre obsession with omelets that I've recently developed?

look! shoes!

2009-11-19T11:24:00.001-05:00

Look at these great shoes I got! They are made of plastic, and I call them my Wonkas. Important note: they also come in purple.

I love you, blogs and coffee

2009-11-18T11:55:00.003-05:00

Oh, to have time to blog! I would be blogging, but instead I'm feigning participation in National Novel Writing Month. But as I was sitting in Luna today eating a delicious mushroom scramble wrap and a girl across from me was blogging and I was so jealous!

And, in other news, though my novel is approximately one half page long, we opened two shows this month, and we'll open our sixth since September in two weeks. Hahaha. I'm incredulous about the whole thing, and I work here and know that it's actually happened.

So I'm trading blog-writing for wearing rubber shoes and constantly quoting Macbeth. But that's okay.

letters

2009-10-21T17:39:00.001-04:00

Dear Chai of Sri Lanka,

It's like I poured a tablespoon of honey and spice in you. But I did not. You are delicious.

From,
Me

Dear my Wisdom Teeth,

Please go back inside.

From,
Me

Dear Autumn,

Don't be so rainy.

From,
Me

god dammit Harvard Lampoon!

2009-10-08T11:24:00.002-04:00

WTF! Goddammit, Harvard Lampoon! You took my novel idea for National Novel Writing Month. Goddammit! Now I'm not just pissed off because I didn't write Twilight, I'm pissed off because I didn't get to write the parody of Twilight that I invented! Goddammit.

Here are my amazing notes for this very important novel that now will never see the light because I was beaten to it:

Bedbites: The Worst Teenage Novel in the World, the Movie!

Goals: Exploiting the pain of my teenage years for profit. Hopefully Zooey Deschenel will play me.
Moral of the Story: IT guys in goth clubs are the vampires of the real world. At least in Waterloo, ON.

Starring!
Punk rock asian guy
80s guy
Flock of Seagulls Guy
The guy that wears the military uniform that he stole from a museum
And all my sexy teenage friends!

(Teenagers might not have been as sexy as shown.)

PROLOGUE :: Here I am in my robe. This is the bed I rented.

Dear Reader,
Thank you for purchasing this novel, which is soon to be made into a major motion picture. The goal of this work is to exploit the pain of my teenage years for profit. Hopefully, Zooey Deschenel will play me. Imagine, Zooey Deschenel, but with brown eyes and less cute hair. Also she has spent the last year getting the majority of her vegetables from pizza toppings. That's me!

Thank you. Now that you have that delightful characterization pictured in your mind's eye, you can enjoy, Bedbites: The Worst Teenage Novel in the World, The Movie!

Sincerely,
Tanya Doroslovac

CHAPTER 1 :: Writer's Block (JUST KIDDING! NO SELF-REFERENTIAL CHAPTER TITLES ALLOWED IN THIS BOOK!)

CHAPTER 2 :: The Underground

CHAPTER 3 :: Heartthrobs!

And now a summary of Nightlight, from the Harvard Lampoon, from Perez:

"It's the first time in 40 years that The Harvard Lampoon has released a parody novel and we think they've picked the perfect victim for their humor: Twilight!

Now, before you grab your pitchforks tween vampire lovers, give it a chance! The press release sent out by the publishers, Vintage Books, explains:

“Nightlight stakes at the heart of what makes Twilight tick…or, really, cuts to the core of it…. Brooding and hilarious, let Nightlight be your guide through the Twilight fandom that has eclipsed the mind of every teenager you have ever met.”

The story follows a young high school student named Belle Goose who moves to Switchblade, Oregon, and meets Edwart Mullen, a “super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls.”

Are you laughing yet? Okay, we'll keep going:

Belle is all about vampires and convinces herself that Edwart is in fact a being of the undead. She comes to this conclusion after seeing him do things she considers "otherworldly"(”Edwart leaves his Tater Tots™ untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!”)"

Opening Morning

2009-09-30T12:23:00.003-04:00

Ahhh! We just opened our first show of the season! And guess what - it's incredibly vital and clear! Even I hated reading Oedipus Rex in high school (though I totally crushed on Hamlet) so it's quite a feat how clear and fast-paced and exciting this production is. The music, the video, the makeup - everything just makes sense. I'm so happy about this new show. Pictures as soon as I can get the pictures off of Willo's computer.

martyr for my love for you

2009-09-21T11:16:00.009-04:00

So don't worry everyone - I know it seems like I've got things figured out, with this cool job and a boyfriend I dress in plaid - I'm still the biggest dork ever.

I wasn't intending to go all Beatlemania on the White Stripes when they arrived at the front of the Elgin for the premiere of Under Great White Northern Lights at TIFF, though yes, I was concealing an original Elephant vinyl in my canvas bag, along with a permanent marker just purchased at the dollar store. And yes, possibly I had spent over $200.00 on an outfit for the occasion, damn you, Anthropologie. But I had been doing such a good job of typing on my Blackberry and looking unimpressed after wandering casually over to the press area. Actually, I was not typing anything of more importance than omg lol how come no one is kicking me out of the press area?

Finally a tall guy in corduroy approached me. I was fairly certain he was going to say "Are you with Road, Movie? If you're a ticket holder, you'll have to move back to the line." but instead he said "Hi. Is your name Tanya? Because your friend Jill in line says you're a huge White Stripes fan, and I just wanted to tell you that I'm a bigger fan than you are."

"Well, maybe you are. Let's see what vinyl you've got there." It was Icky Thump.
"What have you got?"
"Elephant." So, I had him there.

We talked about the shows we'd been too, and I was totally jealous that in 2007 he saw the Toronto show along with the London and Ottawa shows. In London, he said, it was Jack's birthday and he got drunk and fell into Meg's drum kit and knocked her over. In Ottawa, they weren't allowed into the Blues Festival because the organizers said they didn't play the blues, so they played about three White Stripes songs and blues covers for the rest of the night. Argh, what a show.

I told him about Transit, the band Jack White is producing that's made up from members of the Nashville Metro Transportation Authority and he told me about Cab Calloway's rendition of St. James Infirmary Blues in this terrifying Betty Boop cartoon. Hundreds of Visa card holders went in before us. Hilariously, in hindsight, I mistook the Visa Unlimited card in my wallet for a mere Silver Visa and didn't jump to the front of the line.

Somehow, for once, I was at the right place at the right time. Jack and Meg got out of the car just as we were getting forced to move by the security guards. I betrayed my formerly cool exterior by being unable to control myself shouting Jack! Jack! Jack! in an abnormally high pitched voice and clutching my Blackberry to my chest while my knees tried to collapse. The press started taking pictures and we all kept yelling and I, at least, acted fairly crazed, but he just wouldn't turn around, until after the corduroy fellow and I were pushed along by security.

Meg walked by first and Cords was so polite: "Meg, would you please sign this?" and she totally looked right at him and reached out for the sharpie before getting denied by security. "That's okay, she looked right at me, she was going to sign it, she is so cool. She looks so good!"

Security continued to get angry at us for hanging around, even though, realistically, there were maybe 6 people dressed in red and white that were super excited, not a whole mob of screamers like at some of the films. Finally a TIFF guy took pity on my crazy face and told us to go back around the bar and stand there to await Jack, who was still standing, like right over there. Some girls followed us to our hiding spot, and Cords, who was in it to win it, told them very nicely that we were there first, and they are welcome to take pictures if they'd like, but we are going to meet him and don't screw this up for us, please and thank you. Being at a Canadian film festival, the girls politely agreed.

So I'm now clutching my red vinyl with two hands while holding this permanent marker that I'm sort of afraid is going to get all over my new dress, while also holding my movie ticket and my bag. Cords is like Put the cap back on the marker it's going to dry out! No! Hold it like this! You hold the cap, he's going to take the marker part and sign it and everything suddenly seems like, impossibly complicated. If you don't move, I am going to push you forward, and I'm not trying to get ahead of you, I am pushing you into him, okay?

I said, Okay, if he signs mine I'll break it in half and you can have part of it.

And then! Jack walks right towards us down that hallway and Cords pushes me towards him, and I just beam and am unable to speak words, because he looks so goddamn beautiful and dapper. Jack looks at me and my record and smiles right at me, at which point my eyes fill up with tears of happiness, and Cords puts out his hand, which Jack takes and shakes at the same time as walking away. All I really wanted to express was Thank You for All of Your Music, and your Psychic Abilities that Make it so Personal To Me. And being psychic, I think Jack got that from my agog but ecstatic expression.

Then Cords and I hugged it out and sort of said ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod until we got into the theatre and found seats. White Stripes fans forever!

Jill had been saving me seats, and had basically missed my meltdown (although she got to experience it days later because there was a point where I was trying to call her, but I called her work number instead and left a message that essentially said, again, ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod) and laughed when I tried to explain what had just happened. Are you shaking?

I was totally shaking, I've been shaking for days.

And yes, the movie was great, sort of heartbreaking, which I didn't expect. And no, Jack White didn't hold my hand and sing me a song like Billy Idol did, but I guess a girl can't have everything. But we can have cunning plans for more stalking in Nashville, 2010.

Epic Fail

2009-09-19T16:19:00.000-04:00

basically sums up my last more than a year or so

2009-09-07T19:23:00.010-04:00

So, yesterday was a big day. Me'n'Oren took Danmanda out to a baseball game for Dan's much belated birthday. Baseball is famously not my favourite sport in the world but I decided to do it the Carrie Bradshaw way, sitting as far away from the game as possible while eating hotdogs and looking good. The Jays ended up beating the Yankees, which seemed unlikely, and there were many highlights, including Ricky (Randy) Ruiz getting clocked in the face with a pitch, some Yankees players crashing into each other and falling down trying to catch a ball in the outfield, the airplanes that occasionally did stunts above the Sky Dome, and the fact that freezies only cost $2! It was a very fun afternoon, especially once Amanda found us seats in the shade. The Jays even got seven strikeouts, which seems like it shouldn't be that hard to get, you know, less than one strikeout per inning, but apparently it's harder than it seems. The benefit of the Jays getting seven strikeouts is that everyone at the game gets free pizza. So we were just winning all over the place, is the point.

Full of hotdogs and gummi bears, me'n'Oren walked over to Ontario Place to pick up our tickets for the Killers concert. Since the $10 concert tickets included entrance to the CNE, we wanted to go eat everything on sticks that the food building had to offer. And then, this is where the story gets sort of hard to believe, we ran in to Nava and Shayna, in the millions of people that were at the Ex, and they were all like, Oh, we're going to meet Elvis Stojko now, wanna come? and I was like "Only if I can babble at him incoherent stories for five minutes" and then we did. We met Elvis Stojko. I babbled. It was awesome.

Proof!

Ok, so for those of you keeping track, at this point we have approximately seven minutes before we have to go to see Wolfmother open at the Molson Amphitheatre, so naturally we decided to inspect every single food vendor at the Exhibition to see whose noodles look best. I chose noodles from the Philippines, because I love those friggin noodles. And I didn't even have to wait in line for more than one minute, and the barbecue pork was even more delicious than the noodles. I award the Philippino stand the Best Food of the CNE award on scales of deliciousness, wait time, and cheapness.

So we're walking back to Ontario Place and we happen to walk by the infamous Soccer Ball Kicking Game, which, as I have already explained to Oren, is my mortal enemy. The goal of this game is kicking down three apple juice cans that stand in a pyramid on a box about ten feet away from the kicker. It basically looks like the easiest game in the world for anyone that has ever looked at a soccer ball before. However, my dad, who is the greatest soccer player in the world, has failed at this game, and Dan and I have also failed at this game in the past, and actually I don't think I've ever seen anyone knock those cans down properly. There are all these vague rules, like "the cans have to not only fall over but all fall off of the box" and "no rebounds from the fence." Now, in the past, the carnies usually give out poorly inflated size four soccer balls (which is bullshit) and everyone kicks them six feet over the cans. This time, the carnies were using actually-inflated size five balls (someone is probably getting half their salary docked today) and of course everyone was still kicking them six feet over the cans. So I paid $5 for two kicks and rolled up my jeans.

People, this is exactly the occasion for which I wear my Adidias indoor soccer shoes at all times, since 1998.

For my first kick I hit that ball six feet over the cans. Then I kind of thought fuck this shit and leaned over as much as I possibly could and nailed it. And hit all those cans off the box. It was awesome. The girl seemed kind of confused and surprised that I won, and told me that I could pick whatever prize I wanted. I hadn't actually considered that part yet and burst out laughing when I realized that I was going to be the proud owner of a five foot banana with a face. Thank goodness in the corner there was one giant Care Bear left (Harmony Bear, who looks like a hippie and I'm pretty sure she's not a canon Care Bear, if you know what I mean) and since it's Easy and Smashy's goal in life to collect as many Care Bears from the fair as possible, I picked it up with such triumph to carry it over to the Molson Amphitheatre with the best intention of throwing it at Brandon Flowers at the climax of All These Things That I Have Done or giving it to the cutest kid that pointed at it.

Proof!

And then, finally, we ended up on the lawn at the amphitheater, snuggling during Wolfmother and dancing during the Killers, especially during the less saxophony songs. It's a good thing that we went to a Rock and Roll dance class the day before. It's also a good thing that we ate pulled pork sandwiches the day before, because those were delicious even though it has nothing to do with this story. Here is a playable setlist for the concert, which is pretty cool, even though it's not recorded from the actual concert, which would be way cooler. They're just embedded YouTube videos. Still.

And best of all, Oren held my hand for the entirety of all our adventures, and also our adventures the previous day, and also basically for more than a year, which is one at of least eight or nine reasons he's the best boyfriend ever.

shill

2009-08-24T18:05:00.003-04:00

Did I mention I saw (500) Days of Summer three times in theatres and I kind of miss it and want to see it again? I loved that movie for so many reasons, mostly because I feel like it is a film made by a contemporary. A contemporary in age, and style. (Being as stylish as those filmmakers is fairly optimistic.)

mostly inspired by sandwiches

2009-08-07T16:26:00.014-04:00

Thanks to the proliferation of amazing digital technology, I am able to carry around a computer-phone-camera around in my bra at all times. And, when going through the library of photos on my bberry, I was struck by how often I am inspired to take pictures of sandwiches, and how rarely I am inspired to take photos of anything other than sandwiches.

I can only imagine that I took these sandwich pictures to remind myself how much I love sandwiches by posting sandwich pictures on my blog. So here they are, in glorious cheesey detail!

This is a Croque-Monsieu r I got at Chabichou a wonderful cheese shop on Harbord that sells giant bottles of Perrier for well below market value.

This is a BLT with fries and Christmas gravy from Vesta Lunch. As if I have to explain how much I love Vesta Lunch to you again.

This sandwich has a very special place in my heart. Easy went to Schwartz' deli in Montreal and brought me back a pound of smoked meat, because the last time she went to Montreal and didn't get me smoked meat from Schwartz', I yelled at her. Then I steamed it and put it on rye and smothered it in mustard! (Actually, Oren did that while I played Rock Band in my underwear.)

actual thought process

2009-06-30T15:17:00.003-04:00

It's patio weather! But I still need to work. Maybe I can go work on a patio somewhere. Hmmm... the green room? Too busy. Hmmm... hey! Reposado! The tequila bar right next door! They have a great patio, and they also have great margaritas. And I bet it's quiet in there now... Wait... Do tequila bars have free wireless internet? Are tequila bars even open at 3PM on a Tuesday? Am I an alcoholic, or did I just invent an amazing business model?

a 365-day fringe festival

2009-06-25T09:51:00.002-04:00

From the Star, "A 365-Day Fringe Festival"

"In 2006, before it was the Lower Ossington Theatre, we were rehearsing in the building," says Galpern. "We arrived to find a padlock on the door, so we sought out the landlord and worked out a deal – that was the beginning of the LOT."

go hotpants

2009-06-23T13:17:00.002-04:00

So Ossington FC went from first place to third place very quickly in two weeks, but at least yesterday we won our last game - despite starting the game with five players on the hottest evening yet. I sort of blame the lucky hotpants Michael found me in Studio A for our outrageous win.

We still have a whole summer season to try and capture first again, but this time as the more aptly named OFC Cobra Kai.

oh, smashy

2009-06-05T15:27:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I was composing a list of reasons why bike riding is so much better than taking the subway when I crashed my bike into a gas station.

Reasons Why Bike Riding is So Much Better Than Taking the Subway
1. It is cheaper than taking the subway (as long as your bike doesn't get stolen)
2. You get to exercise! (and get to work all sweaty, delighting co-workers with new scents and classiness)
3. You get to enjoy the fresh air (if you consider Harbord between St. George and Ossington particularly fresh).

Reasons Why Bike Riding is Worse Than Taking the Subway:
(Insert photo of gross arm here. )

2009-05-27T16:07:00.001-04:00

Yes, there are 8 million things to do. And no, the season wasn't perfect - we had our fair share of minor disasters. But - today was the last performance of the year. And I might have calculated it out, and that's around a thousand yellow school buses greeted at Hart House and ushered into the theatre over the last eight months. I love working for a company that basically does the impossible every day.

ingredients: long weekend

2009-05-18T11:32:00.002-04:00

So you don't have a patio. Or a backyard. Or a barbecue. What you do have is a brand new, family-sized George Foreman grill, and way too much food for the four people in your apartment. Grill everything. Potatoes. Vegetables. Meats of three different animals. Your roommate's peaches. After years of not being capable of cooking anything, suddenly, you can cook anything! In like, 3 minutes.

Your friends are secretly Trekkies. Take them to the new Star Trek movie. Have them explain all ten seasons of TNG and describe every previous movie. Still think Star Trek is kind of stupid.

Take a $500 bike for a test ride and break it. Return to the Trek store, awkwardly.

Rollerblade to the beach! Picnic. Snuggle.

At least two very good cappuccinos.

hells yes! ossington FC!

2009-05-01T14:40:00.001-04:00

Yay! Ossington FC has our first game Monday night, 7PM at Central Tech. Can't. Effing. Wait.

Holy Shopping, Batman!

2009-04-22T19:15:00.003-04:00

Important if you are a lady and like pretty things: My favourite store ever, Anthropologie, is opening up in Toronto! Today! At the Shops at Don Mills!

Anthropologie is the evil twin of Urban Outfitters. It's exactly like Urban Outfitters, except that the clothes are the cutest and prettiest clothes in the world instead of shitty ugly teenage hipster clothes (that's the good part), and the clothes are all $200 more than they would cost at Urban Outfitters (that's the bad part, especially since t-shirts cost $40 at Urban Outfitters).

In celebration of the fact that I have lived on my own for over a year and today marks the only time I have ever cooked myself dinner from scratch, I think I am going to go buy an apron from Anthropologie on Sunday. Look at these aprons. ALL OF THEIR APRONS ARE NICER THAN MY REGULAR CLOTHES!

That's My Girl

2009-04-21T10:44:00.004-04:00

Lola! From Cute With Chris.

so, geocaching.

2009-04-20T22:57:00.004-04:00

If I had discovered geocaching when I was in grade seven, I think I would have been more obsessed with geocaching than X-Files. It would have been a big life change - or at least I might have developed a better since of direction.

Saturday was a beautiful day in Toronto (although the Waterloo air was much cleaner and fresher and... airier... the next day, but I digress) and I wanted to explore to parts of town I had never been - namely, Corso Italia, where my dad used to go to buy soccer shoes. As a half-joke, Oren said "We should go geocaching!" and I thought it was a great idea, probably 98% to his surprise.

We picked some destinations and the geocaches along the way. Pain Perdu was a stop for the most unstoppable french toast I have ever had - tongue-dangerously-hot fried bread with cream and raisins and strawberries and pineapple. Hello! my new favourite place.

We went to the Faema store, and I'm not talking about the fancy showroom on Dupont, I mean the old school location on Davenport featuring a yellowed picture of the Pope and Italian family yelling at each other. It's kind of half a cafe and half an espresso machine retail store, so basically I wanted to purchase everything that they had for sale. But the only thing I purchased was a new o-ring and filter for my stovetop espresso, because let's face it, the thing has been making espresso since Alexandra's dad got it in 1981. OK, and I bought a capuccino too. I'm a pushover.

Also along the way to our desired latitude and longitude was Wychwood Park, a secret little neighbourhood that would remind you of Green Bottle Street if you ever read the short story.

Oh, and I found my first-ever geocache across the street at Tollkeeper's Park. The clue was: "Near a tree." Kind of the worst clue ever. You can find a geocache near you at http://www.geocaching.com/seek/.

I hope all of this doesn't sound too nerdy or boring, because it was a great adventure! Next stop, getting some GPS software so we can do this properly (ie not entirely via Googlemaps).

cutest couple ever alert!

2009-04-16T16:52:00.005-04:00

This is the time me'n'oren went to a wedding and he was a groomsman!

It's also the time that he forgot to tell me that the wedding was a black-tie affair. So everybody was wearing floor length gowns from your Chanels or your Marc Jacobs or what have yous and I wore a cocktail dress that I bought for $20 at Andie's Surf Shop in Waterloo. I paired my $20 dress with a $40 bra from La Vie en Rose, and as you can plainly see, it was worth every penny.

whirlwinds

2009-04-09T19:23:00.005-04:00

Hoo boy! Lots of exciting things.

Wednesday I went to Roy Thompson Hall at the very last minute to see Liza sing. Liza is an important figure in my life - I discovered Liza the same fateful night I watched Eraserhead for the first and only time, so she shares about equal prominence in my life as David Lynch. I had finished writing a particularly scarring business exam and decided that I was going to finally watch Eraserhead. I went to Jumbo Video and said to the guy there: Today is the day I am going to watch Eraserhead. He said: Have you seen it before? I said: No. He said: Okay. Good luck.

I went to my big empty pink house, with no air conditioning, and no hot water (this was the summer of studying outside on the deck - I lost my marketing textbook so I studied for my final exam with Wikipedia - in a bikini with a bucket of ice cubes) and put in the DVD. David Lynch spends ten minutes adjusting the levels on your TV screen in order to properly enjoy Eraserhead.

I watched Eraserhead.

Then, it was two o'clock in the morning, and in that most vulnerable state, I stumbled upon Liza With a Z on CBC. She danced and sang and snorted cocaine just off camera right into my heart. Her show was wonderful this week - probably only if you are as big a Liza fan as I am. She epitomizes cheesy showbizyness but manages to be really wonderful and nice and vulnerable at the same time. My favourite part was her retelling the first meeting she had with the piano player in her orchestra. She heard him play in a restaurant somewhere, and walked up to him and said: Would you come and play with me? For the rest of my life? in just the most disarming voice. And he said yes, because how can you say no to Liza?

So that's one exciting thing. I also am experiencing my first Passover, mostly by eating as much bread as humanly possible. Oh! And I'm going to Ottawa all next week with my friends Donalbaine and Fleance and First Murderer.

Sample conversation from my life.

2009-04-07T10:58:00.006-04:00

Shayna: Hey, does anyone want to go out tonight to see Li-
Tanya: YES OH MY GOD YES I WANT TO GO SEE LIZA MINELLI TONIGHT! FINALLY SOMEONE WANTS TO SEE LIZA MINELLI!!! I WILL GIVE YOU $20 IF YOU COME SEE LIZA WITH ME.

UPDATE!
We officially have tickets. I am going to go get drunk and then watch Liza tonight. I can't believe I don't have my Liza haircut anymore! So excited.

ANOTHER UPDATE!
We are having dinner at Kit Kat before the show in honour of Cabaret, the most wonderful movie of 1972 other than The Godfather.

ANOTHER NOTHER UPDATE:
Cabaret actually won 8 Oscars in 1972 and The Godfather only won 3. Suck it, Don Vito!

Kind of Amazing

2009-03-30T16:24:00.003-04:00

Look what Perez found us in Variety! Green Day is finally turning American Idiot into a musical, directed by the dude that did Spring Awakening (apparently starring my favourite character from Teen Girl Squad):

Michael Mayer, who picked up a 2007 Tony for his direction of "Spring Awakening," will helm "American Idiot." Mayer co-writes the book with Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong, who conceived the punk-opera album and wrote most of the lyrics.

A nihilistic coming-of-age story drenched in post-9/11 paranoia, "American Idiot" follows disaffected contemporary American Everykid Jesus of Suburbia as he morphs into violent, drug-dealing alter-ego St. Jimmy and falls for anarchist girlfriend Whatsername.

Craigslist is the best roommate finder ever!

2009-03-28T20:48:00.003-04:00

Procedure:

1. Wait far too long to post a roommate ad.
2. Wait a bit longer because you feel guilty you took so long to post a roommate ad.
3. Take pictures of your messy apartment, put it on Craigslist. Mention you like drinking margaritas.
4. Receive email from potential roommate.
5. He will be a charming law student.
6. Meet him the next day.
7. Roommates!

2009-03-27T13:50:00.001-04:00

I just saw the trailer for Where the Wild Things are. (Will says I stole his idea by watching it.) Probably the best part is the Arcade Fire soundtrack. Oh, and the funny non-Muppet muppets.

How come I can't figure out how to post YouTube videos on my blog anymore? Um, Google? You own both these things. What's the deal, yo?

Twitterpated

2009-03-27T13:38:00.000-04:00

Also, you can follow my blog now apparently, just like Twitter, but more longwinded! Check the sidebar.

Massages at work, bitches!

2009-03-27T13:34:00.000-04:00

That is all.

yeah, spring!

2009-03-27T10:53:00.003-04:00

The Lady's Action Plan is actually fun! It means my hair doesn't freeze when I leave the house, which is great. And if I don't have a blowdrier, I just lounge around in bed for a while until my hair is acceptably dry, which is an even better Diva Moment. I haven't been super eating servings of fruits and vegetables. That's kind of a problem. But I am getting further with the touring shows thing, and guess what, I went for two runs this week and they have been really energizing. Good work, exercise!

except my life

2009-03-26T09:50:00.003-04:00

Last night I had a dream that I was going to grad school in North Carolina, which was lovely, because the university had a beach and a Chuck E. Cheese's in the cafeteria. I met a nice girl who was going to grad school for Temp Work, which I thought was a pretty bad idea, but I didn't tell her that because I thought maybe we could live together.

This is the kind of dream I have after listening to an hour of Apartment Next Door 2AM Rock Band Party. You know guys, I should at least be invited to your party by default. My bed appears to be three feet away from your drum set.

Spring Awakening was amazing, like amazing in the way of "Why didn't I write that musical? Oh yeah, I can't write music and I never read the original play. But still-" Shayna got us all on stage seats, and Oren kept trying to get up and sing a solo. I wore my Air Hostess from the 70s dress that arrived in the mail this week. The guy that played Moritz was like, un-fucking-believable. I highly recommend it if you are in your 20s or 30s and don't hate musicals. (Hey - that's all of you!)

My Eye Colour: July, 2005

2009-03-25T23:34:00.000-04:00

"Do you say your eyes are brown? Because you should they that they're green with a gold ring around the outside. Your eyes are green and gold.... not counting black and white."

Lady's Action Plan

2009-03-21T15:09:00.002-04:00

Easy came up with a wonderful idea called Lady's Action Plan, and I am going to take part. Here is the way it works: in order to improve our lifestyles to Super Sassy Classy Lady Lifestyle, as opposed to Super Tired and Lazy Lady Lifestyle, you make four improvements in different areas of your lifestyle every week. The four areas are: Being More Like a Diva, Eating Less Garbage Per Week, Getting Smarter, and Getting off of the Couch/Office Chair.

Here is Easy's current week plan.

Diva Moment Exfoliate. Everywhere.

Gastronomic Goal Drink at least 2 litres of water a day

Attack of the Nerd Spend at least 8 hours reading each week

I Can Has Ironman Walk an hour a day

And that inspired me to make one!

Diva Moment Blow dry hair before leaving house EVERY DAY!

Gastonomic Goal Eat proper servings of fruits and vegetables.

Attack of the Nerd Write a business plan for the touring shows.

I Can Has Ironman Run 5k three times per week.

reminding myself of things to do

2009-03-18T12:57:00.001-04:00

No rest until:

We have a 2009-2010 brochure
We have a new website
We have a 2010-2011 tour
We have a summer camp

I need a summer roommate

2009-03-10T13:37:00.002-04:00

Hello, world!

Is anybody looking for a summer sublet in Toronto? My sister is going back to Waterloo for the summer, and I need someone to live with from the beginning of May til the end of August. I live in a nice two bedroom apartment that's a 5-10 minute walk from the Yonge-Wellesley subway station (depending on how late you are). Hey, that's right downtown! It's on the 8th floor of an eight floor building, so it's basically the penthouse.

You would get a large bedroom, shared kitchen, living room and bathroom, with wireless internet and hopefully air conditioning for about $700.

Lemme know!

2009-03-06T13:24:00.001-05:00

Today, I walked outside... down the street.... to the Luna Cafe, which makes excellent coffee and sandwiches... wait for it... IN A T-SHIRT! I feel alive!

2009-03-01T15:54:00.001-05:00

My main problem with mini-cans of Coca-cola (the 100-calorie portioned cans) is that it's not enough fucking Coca-Cola.

sketch comedy and then insight into my life

2009-02-25T17:51:00.010-05:00

I haven't had time to tell you this yet, but my sketch comedy writing workshop was wonderful. (Yes, even though I had cramps and my neck was injured. Motrin makes me more of a genius than I already am!)

I am pretty f'n pumped to take the next course at Film Lab: a ten week online course with Kevin Allison, who is the Taco Guy on MTV's The State, which we talk about ALL THE TIME at work, which gives you more insight into my work life than you have probably ever had before. I hate attached a photo to give you further insight into my work life:

This photograph is important for many reasons.
1. The artwork behind my desk is not, in fact a portrait of me, but everyone that comes to the office thinks that it is. This is funny for two reasons:
a) because it suggests that people believe I might be the kind of person that has a portrait of myself behind their desk
b) the painting has been there since before I started, and it does look a little bit like me, which is a little bit Twilight Zone-y.

2. I am wearing my Fashionable Communist Hat, which is a fun-fur monstrosity with a barely discernable star on the forehead. I purchased it on Queen St. one day because I went for a walk so that I would feel better, and then halfway through the walk it became apparent that I was going to catch cold and die instead of feel better so I bought a hat that covered my ears and was embarrassed wearing it all the way back to work. But everyone at work says I should embrace my slavic background and wear it all the time. And it's kind of cold in here. So I do.

3. I drink a lot of carbonated water at work. A lot. It's Perrier. Really.

the best facebook notification I have ever received

2009-02-24T18:34:00.002-05:00

Serbians have the biggest brains! We also have the most amount of time on our hands.

yesterday when I tried to get out of bed something connecting by neck to my hip broke

2009-02-21T09:30:00.004-05:00

Neck = broken
Cramps = yes
Eight hour sketch comedy workshop = 30 minutes away

Oh, this is going to be hilarious!

goals

2009-02-19T14:01:00.002-05:00

I have lots of goals. My goals include:

- run a 10K race (remember that goal! it was from a year ago. I ran 10K once but then I was too lazy to ever do it again)
- become a marketing guru (it's not that I hate Seth Godin, it's that I am jealous that I didn't think of being him first)
- solve that fucking rubik's cube without cheating
- write something good

Here is my progress towards these goals:

1. No progress. But have thought about signing up for the Sporting Life 10K in May. Thought seriously. Then it snowed and I became less serious about the whole thing.
2. Working on it. Ba-lieve me!
3. The Rubik's Cube website says I am on step 4 of 6 of solving the Rubik's puzzle. It looks approximately like a half-finished Rubik's cube, which is great, because now if I move one side it fucks everything up. Yay!
4. This weekend I'm taking a sketch comedy writing class at the Film Lab! I haven't done something random like that since I was in that girl's visual art project at UW and we had to wrap each other up in wrapping paper and jump through picture frames.

tv on the television

2009-02-16T22:04:00.002-05:00

For someone who doesn't watch TV, I sure have been watching a lot of TV lately!

My new hero / favourite thing is a man named Chris Lilley, who has created this show called Summer Heights High. It is a mock-reality show that takes place over term at an Australian public school. He plays three characters: Jonah (a thuggish year 8), Mr. G (the totally insane drama teacher) and Ja'mie (a year eleven bitch on sabbatical from private school). Each one wreaks havoc on the school in their own particular charming and offensive way. You should watch it for the acting, because he's brilliant. And for the fact that it's hilarious.

Also, Jim Gaffigan guest starred on last week's Flight of the Conchords. and Michel Gondry directed this week's episode. I know, I know. It jumped the shark when Demetri Martin guest starred in the first season finale, and none of the songs in the second season live up to the songs from the first. I promise, for some reason, the Michel Gondry episode was amazing.

Also, there's this thing called The Office which is pretty funny.

oh, wlu

2009-02-02T13:09:00.005-05:00

I found an amazing press release today:

Laurier business school first in Canada to integrate BlackBerry into all its programs

From what I understand, all of the MBA students this year are getting free* BlackBerries (thanks, RIM) and free* data plans (thanks, Rogers) and 30% of their course material will be available on the devices. And going forward, even the undergrads will get BBerries. For learning.

In return, WLU students** will develop e-learning applications for the BlackBerry that can be shared with other universities, propagating the handhelds around the world! You might assume that RIM will give them a pile of old devices that they have sitting around five blocks away from the school, but I wouldn't be surprised if they developed a specific device for e-learning, and gave it to the biz kids to show off.

I also believe that they have designed a special BarackBerry, the coolest device ever. It turns into a car. (That links to a video of Barack Obama telling Matt Lauer that his BlackBerry turns into a car. You should probably watch it.) Forget Madonna. This is real sponsorship.

*Yay tuition deregulation!
** BBA/CS majors, so, University of Waterloo students

this is my seth godin post of the week

2009-01-28T21:56:00.001-05:00

Let's talk about sponsorship.

BlackBerry is sponsoring Madonna's Sticky and Sweet Tour. Or, wait - is Madonna sponsoring the BlackBerry Bold? It's kind of tricky to tell: both names appear on the ticket for the event and both brands (sorry Madge) can be experienced the night of the show.

This is sponsorship that makes sense - it's not charity, like many arts organizations treat their sponsorships. It's a symbiotic relationship where both parties benefit.

The Madonna concert market is the same as the BlackBerry Bold market - sophistocated, well-off... not particularly young. BlackBerry gets the attention of this sophistocated, well-off audience while they are in an emotionally heightened state, creating a link between an awesome, memorable entertainment experience and their smartphone. It's better than undivided attention: it's equating your product with something else the audience already loves. It's opening for Madonna! Talk about cross-platform marketing.

How do you turn your sponsorship opportunities into symbiotic relationships? What's the Madonna to your BlackBerry?

today in the news

2009-01-15T10:24:00.002-05:00

The link to this article says "Caffeine Linked to Seeing Ghosts" which was really exciting news for me, and then the article itself is just a scientific thing called "Caffeine can cause hallucinations," telling me to drink less coffee.

An Ontario Mennonite kid loses $150,000 in an email scam. (Okay, maybe he's not a real Mennonite since he was checking him email. But still.)

Natalie Dee has baby, posts incredibly graphic and hilarious blog memoir. Title: "How Babies Are Made, the Longest Blog Post in the World." I was really in a bad mood on Monday and this thing cracked me up like six times.

amazing job posting - theatre in KW

2009-01-09T16:56:00.005-05:00

If I didn't already have a full time job and a half, I would definitely apply to be the Festival Manager of Magnetic North in 2010, which is taking place in Kitchener-Waterloo. It's a national festival of contemporary theatre, and one of the biggest festivals in the country. Deadline for applying is January 12th.

http://torontotheatre.wordpress.com/2008/12/08/job-posting-kitchener-waterloo-festival-manager-magnetic-north-theatre-festival/

2009-01-07T23:10:00.002-05:00

best things about new york city
by tanya, too tired for capital letters

1. skating in central park with a handsome fella, and not even falling down once. also, it's helpful if said handsome fella understands subway routes and has a good sense of direction, and most importantly, has friends that live in brooklyn so that you can afford to go to new york city.
2. tom's restaurant (the brooklyn one, not the seinfeld one), and their many flavours of butter, and the busboy walking around offering cookies, and serving things like mango walnut pancakes and bows of strawberries.
3. going to a play and you're like, what? ethan hawke is in this play?
4. meeting up with friends for dinner near times square, cause that's how you roll.
5. quoting snl obnoxiously for the entirety of the nbc tour.

omg that sushi was for serious

2009-01-03T17:19:00.003-05:00

I just went to Sushi 101, which opened up beside Sushi on Bloor, probably to catch their overflow customers, and I ate something called "Japanese Fish Bagel" which was a roll consisting of cream cheese, smoked salmon and avocado in a slightly deep fried shell and it was so delicious I had to blog about it even though I should probably be fasting in preparation for the New York City Adventure of Eating as Much Food as Possible and hopefully also seeing some plays.

2008-12-30T14:10:00.002-05:00

So I'm on vacation! Unfortunately I'm not quite totally relaxed, well, I'm sitting on the couch in my underwear with a coffee so I must be relaxed?

It's just that - there's so much to do! Work things as well as life things. Including that I am going to New York (City!) for the first time ever and I don't have an itinerary yet, other than:

1. Arrive in New York (City!)
2. Eat some bagels (Apparently I have not yet in my life tasted a bagel, only things in the shape of bagels)
3. Go to Brooklyn and look at the hipsters (are there hipsters in Brooklyn anymore or am I out of touch?). Then, eat some pizza in Brooklyn.
3. Eat some more bagels (the linked video demonstrates that there are eight flavors of tofu cream cheese at Essa Bagel in Manhattan. Just imagine how many flavors of actual, tasty cream cheese there might be)
4. Go shopping, a la my best friends Clinton and Stacey
5. Don't get mad at Oren for being terrible at shopping
6. Take the NBC tour - do they have bagels there?
7. Go to see a Chekov play
8. Go to MoMA, I think Starry Night will still be there
9. Shopping, bagels?
10. Get drunk at the ninja restaurant

What am I missing? Probably lots of things. Overall it sounds very relaxing (no! it doesn't!) but fun is better than relaxing, hopefully.

numbers

2008-12-15T15:24:00.001-05:00

Today we opened our fifth show of the season. That's the fifth show in three months. That's roughly twenty thousand people that came to Hart House or Ossington to watch some theatre. Incredible. (Nava adds: "And we're still alive!")

three haikus to claim december tenth

2008-12-10T11:49:00.004-05:00

Breakfast.
in the winter. things
repeat themselves. in winter
repetition rules.

Lunch.
Post-microwaving
mango chicken spicier
than it was last night

Dinner.
I have the feeling
sleeping tonight will require
a little red wine

meme'delicious: random and weird

2008-12-07T22:19:00.002-05:00

Alexandra tagged me because we're the only bloggers left, and so I present 7 Random and Weird Things About Myself.

1. Currently I am wearing Frosty the Snowman flannel pajama bottoms accompanied by a Floating Monkey Faces flannel pajama shirt. This is probably the most comfortable I have been in days.

2. I just spent half an hour playing the latest Videlectrix game: Behind the Dangerdesque. It was awesome.

3. I don't eat eggs unless they are concealed in something unegglike, like a cake. Omelets, no. Egg nog, yes. French toast, maybe.

4. I used to think I was "weird" but I don't really think that anymore, whatever that means.

5. What I want for Christmas, I realized this evening, is a ticket to see Liza Minelli at Roy Thompson Hall in March!

6. Liking Liza Minelli is not weird!

7. Big Turk is my favourite kind of chocolate bar ever. Because it tastes like a swedish berry covered in chocolate and what could possibly be better than those two snacks combined into one funny shaped thing?

what a piece of work is a man!

2008-12-01T19:54:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow we open the very play that begot my obsession with theatre. Yes, it was while studying Hamlet in Grade 12 that I realized that Shakespeare was a hilarious and awesome dude whose plays were not boring. I auditioned for Much Ado About Nothing at KWLT and the rest is silence, I mean, history. It led directly to reading Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, and then Waiting for Godot and Arcadia and then Endgame and the plays of Christopher Durang and ended in a longstanding crush on Kenneth Branagh and longstanding hatred of Mel Gibson.

I have a couple of free tickets available, so let me know if you would like to accompany me this Friday December 5th at 8PM to watch Classical Theatre Project's Hamlet at Hart House Theatre on the U of T campus.

Finally! One step closer to my time machine

2008-11-27T15:48:00.003-05:00

Perimeter Institute gets Hawking for 6 weeks a year! And I am finally close to my dream of travelling back in time to see Christopher Walken play Romeo at the Stratford Festival!

Also, when he does a public lecture in Waterloo, you realize it will be at WCI, right? That is so wickedawesome. Mr. Burns must be so freaking excited. OMG he's probably going to challenge Hawking's black hole theories. I MUST be there.

danger! danger!

2008-11-25T20:48:00.002-05:00

Today there was a fire and a stabbing at work! (Only the stabbing occurred on stage.) Theatre is a magical thing.

dear the soup lady

2008-11-13T13:56:00.002-05:00

Sometimes your soups are kind of... shitty. Most of the time they need salt. But this potato bacon concoction that I am drinking is one of the best soups of all time. It is so rich I am glad I only got an extra small. Skinny french lady, do skinny french ladies drink this kind of soup? I sort of doubt it. Maybe you work it off carrying baguettes to work on your bicyclette? Or have you just given into my North American need for extra saltiness?

Anway, let me know, because I am still suffering from the Gatsby 15 (like the Freshman 15; also known as the Laziness 15).

In other news, I'm writing a musical called Wall Street: A Musical Like Rent.

it counts

2008-10-15T23:51:00.001-04:00

Yay! I was interviewed for something.
Okay, I was interviewed by a blogger for something. It counts!

BlogTO shout out to The Great Gatsby.

the great gatsby

2008-10-09T21:25:00.006-04:00

Today I put my name in the program for Gatsby. I was feeling slightly overworked and was rushing a tad with this particular Word document, but then I had to stop a moment and realize that, hey, this will be my first professional theatre credit.

Cool!

So let's take a moment and be quiet and thank Business School and the Fringe Festival and RIM and Coca-Cola and the K-W Little Theatre for setting me up for success and yes, even advertising, for giving me an early mid-life crisis, and my family and friends, all of whom I don't see nearly enough, for helping me to be brave and confident enough to do this thing.

Did I mention, and I think I did, that The Great Gatsby opens next week, and that it's my first professional theatre credit, and that it's going to be awesome and that "only an asshole would miss this show" and that you should come see it. If you like like a night on the town. If not we should get together and watch The Hills or X-Files sometime.

Here's the ad that appeared in NOW magazine today! If you don't mind me saying so myself, it looks wickedawesome.

Finally! News About Spiderman: The Musical

2008-10-08T13:06:00.002-04:00

Why did I only find out today about Spiderman: The Musical, directed by Julie Taymor and with music by Bono?

From the NY Post: Spiderman Budget Swells to $40 Million

shows, shows, shows

2008-09-16T17:58:00.002-04:00

Wow, I need to take pictures of my new apartment to show you all. This will happen immediately following me actually spending any time in my new apartment.

In related news, we are producing approximately three thousand shows this season, which is pretty freaking crazy. One of the shows even has actual celebrities in it. And two more are actual world premieres. And many, many more are Shakespeare. Let's never forget about the Shakespeare. We are also building a theatre. In two weeks. Because that's when the show opens.

Amazing quote of the day:

"Good thing we're in the lucrative business of theatre. I was poor last week; Black Monday happened; I'm poor this week."

actually, the donuts are bullshit. but the pizza? delicious!

2008-09-10T12:47:00.004-04:00

This funny little story about my work-neighbourhood showed up in the National Post on Monday.

Tragically, this street is now too hip

Residents need lumber and tires more than art and haute cuisine

Peter Kuitenbrouwer, National Post Published: Monday, September 08, 2008

There's a trend among restaurants opening on Ossington Avenue: no sign. The only way to tell you are at Levack Block, 88 Ossington, or Delux, 92 Ossington, or i deal coffee, 162 Ossington, is to read the scrawl on the health certificate in the window. Ossington, long a strip of factories and garages, is cool now. And signs are just so passe.
The other day, walking up Ossington, I counted seven new art galleries in two blocks on the west side, from Queen Street to Argyle Street.
X Space, at 58 Ossington, had its launch party on Friday night, featuring LS Double D Cup and Vomit MTN. Ulterior Design Gallery of Found Object and Performance Art, "opening soon," has an Abandoned Barbie Project, to "give abandoned Barbies a new life": the Barbies cavort, naked, in its window, one with her legs wrapped around a plastic scale model of Scotiabank Plaza.
The pace of change on Ossington is bewildering. When I first moved to the area in 1994, Russians pumped me diesel at a garage here; it's now rebuilt as condominiums. Vietnamese karaoke bars are departing, replaced by Babylon Books and Ministry of the Interior (a lovely interior design store), along with restaurants Le Bar a Soupe and Foxley, and bars, including Sweaty Betty's and the Crooked Star. To much buzz, Pizzeria Libretto opened two weeks ago.
On Queen and Ossington, across from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, a sign for an 18-condo building (on the site of a former boarding house for mental patients) proclaims "Live in the Gallery District." (Hey, that beats "Live by the Loony Bin.") With CAMH planning to redevelop its campus here, extending Ossington south to King Street, the area is in full metamorphosis.
As a local, I am raising a red flag. Yes, I welcome newcomers to Ossington. I love Foxley and i deal, and this week at Get Real! Cafe (a vegan restaurant at 135 Ossington), for $9 I ate a delicious Brazilian hot pot with carrots, rice, black beans, potatoes, onions, coriander, papaya/ tomato salsa and -- yes -- TVP (textured vegetable product).
But, as Ossington transforms, let's remember its purpose for locals: as a place to get tires, crates of grapes for wine-making, lumber and an oil change. When the rezoning applications pile up on the desk of Deputy Mayor (and local councillor) Joe Pantalone (Trinity-Spadina), I want him to say, "Hold on. People need a place to buy drywall and fresh-baked bread."
Ossington's legacy businesses are treasures. My favourite is Downtown Lumber, 172 Ossington, (founded 1974), a hotbed for local contractors. The long-time Portuguese staff always give good advice, 2" x 4" spruce studs, 8' long, cost $2.68 each, and you don't have to wade through cheap tea towels and toasters to find the 1½" no. 8 Robertson wood screws.
Next up: Venezia Bakery Ltd., ("Padaria Portuguesa") 114 Ossington. The sweet smell of fresh bread wafts from this busy spot day and night. A grilled ham and cheese sandwich on a fresh bun, on a porcelain plate labelled "Venezia B," costs $3.50. The shop also sells olive oil, toothpaste, tea, tin foil, ice cream and Special K. Try the amazing doughnuts!
These days women with pink hair and Birkenstocks mix with the guys in overalls and steel-toed boots. All seek the same thing: $1 coffee and fresh, tasty, inexpensive food.
Ossington Tire, 146 Ossington, founded 1946, has been in the Iskiw family since 1961. The place repairs a flat for $22 and rotates your tires for $8 per wheel. Ken Iskiw, the owner, says he likes the new galleries: "There's some great art there," he says. "There's a lot of young talent. It's amazing."
"Are you sticking around?" I ask.
"One day, someone gives you $10-million [to redevelop this site]," he says, "and then people will find out the real prices. Some dealers charge close to $100 to repair a flat."
And where are people supposed to buy lumber?
"It's going big box," he says. "People don't care for the personal touch ... but it's nice to have sometimes."
Precisely. And I need lumber and tires more than recycled Barbie dolls.

the tale of the virgin festival

2008-09-08T13:28:00.002-04:00

Yeah, Noel Gallagher got smoked in the back of the head. And although I'm just speculating here, I'm pretty sure the perpetrator was Damon Albarn. Liam, in John Lennon glasses, a tight shirt, and a neckerchief, tried to pull a few punches on the dude, which is awesome. Rock is not dead!

That was the best part of the weekend. Mostly the rest of Virgin Fest was spent waiting in a lineup for the ferry, because I didn't wake up early enough to spend the day on the island, as was my wont. Oh, there was also a lineup for the funnel cake. And the bathroom.

free white teeth for everyone!

2008-09-08T10:19:00.001-04:00

www.listerinewhitening.ca/refreshinglyfree

Well, for everyone that reads my blog.

Umm... Free white teeth for Tanya and Alexandra?

equal amounts Coca-Cola and shitty shiraz

2008-08-31T19:00:00.005-04:00

So, tomorrow I move, and it's the first time I've lived anywhere where the lease is in my name, like a proper grown person. It's kind of a big deal. I am celebrating with a bottle of shiraz that I suspect has been corked, but I'm not a wine expert and am drinking it anyway. Drinking it suspiciously, anyway. The wine tastes so suspicious that I refuse to mix it with my little glass bottle of Coca-Cola, which was originally the plan for the patio. Best not to taint the glass bottle cola. Mmmff!

The only downside of the new place is that it doesn't have a big patio with trees and downtown in the distant background. I will instead have a window with a view of downtown in the immediate foreground and a ficus in front of that window.

The new apartment will have an equal amount of Coca-Cola and shitty shiraz.

The new place is also slightly closer to work (maybe, I haven't done the requisite TTC experiment yet) which is good because, as some of you might have noticed, I have become a slight workaholic. I'm one of those people who just ramble on about work after work like there's no tomorrow. I'm sorry. I like it and it's on my mind and I want to do good.

There's also a boy, which is nice. And it's actually nice because this particular boy says adorable things like you look like a fashion model and let's watch the X-Files and then make out and also he packs me lunches and has green eyes and a beard. I like all of those things. Especially beards.

And, um, in the interest of being topical, I leave you with "Rod's Dilemma," a musical number by the cast of the best thing I've ever seen, Avenue Q, which Easy managed to score 3rd row centre tickets for. Avenue Q was outstanding. But it's over now, suckers. My Toronto theatre reccomendation for next week is Soulpepper's The Real Inspector Hound. It's only my third favourite play ever written.

they grow up so fast

2008-08-28T17:18:00.001-04:00

Nataloo started university this week! Can you ba-lieve it?!?

yay for nesting

2008-08-20T11:40:00.004-04:00

I've got a fever, and the only prescription is...
DECORATING MY NEW APARTMENT!

I can't wait to decorate our new apartment with all kinds of amazing things! Yellow things!

Some non-yellow things that are going to decorate the new apartment:
- the EYE Weekly cover, featuring Dan and Jessie, proudly framed
- a giant box of Pocky, proudly framed
- all kinds of White Stripes crap (maybe we could have a White Stripes bathroom... except that the bathroom is seafoam green. Best colour combo ever!)
- my books! my books! my books!
- lamps from Urban Outfitters? Just saying. Oooh! Or mail order things from Anthropologie!
- probably Natalie has some stuff too, since she is actually artistic

Am I actually in the apartment yet? No. But there are big plans.

hello toronto friends, I have an invitation for you

2008-08-15T18:03:00.005-04:00

There's a pretty awesome art exhibition happening over at 100A Ossington. Hey! That's where I work! What a great excuse to come visit me... where I work.

It's on Thursday - Saturday from 12 to 6pm... all the way until September. You can come in and check it out for free (except for tonight, which is the fancy gala for fancy pantses.)

From the AWOL website:

AWOL Gallery presents Square Foot 2008, a dynamic annual art exhibition, which showcases the work of hundreds of local and international artists. The Square Foot show has become one of the foremost community art events in Toronto. With each artist creating work in a 12x12 inch format, the show is hung in a grid forming an installation of overwhelming proportions... showcasing over 700 artists from Canada, United States, United kingdom, and Japan.

Cool, no? The best part is that each work is selling for $200. That's not bad, for art. Well, actually, some of them are pretty bad. Some of them are mediocre. And some of them are stunningly beautiful. It's just that it's hard to get anybody to agree on which ones are which.

So, it turns out

2008-08-13T13:20:00.006-04:00

that listerine whitening strips really do make your teeth whiter, with incredibly little effort. I have used maybe 10 strips over the last month, and sometimes I drink coffee WHILE wearing the whitening strips, and my mom asked me why my teeth are so white. good job, consumer packaged goods industry.

I have lots of $8 off coupons if anybody wants to buy a box! I would recommend it if say, you were going on a date... or maybe to the prom... Suddenly my inner monologue wandered off into Strong Bad voice. That happens sometimes. More times... than I'd probably like to admit.

But I'm glad, because that reminds me that I need to do a VIDEOGAME REVIEW!!!! Because finally, thank the sweet little baby jj, STRONG BAD'S COOL GAME FOR ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE EPISODE 1 HOMESTAR RUINER is finally available for download. As the bad man himself would say, "Holy a-crap!"

I figured out how to use O's computeletron and my credit card to download the game for Wii and make Strong Bad walk around and start kicking ass. My heart filled with joy when "PRESS A TO START" appeared on the screen and I got to interact with Free Country USA in a new way! (My heart was also filled with joy because I was eating spicy thai noodles at the time! But I digress.)

We didn't finish the episode in one night, because I was, er, tired, but we did get to lol a couple times before saving the rest for later. The comedy gold is spread a lot thinner than your typical sbemail or toon, because the gameplay involves a lot of walking around and looking at stuff, but I'm hoping that it will start to be a little smoother once I've figured out what I'm supposed to be doing. The mini-games have been hilarious so far, not to provide any spoilers (MAKE YOUR OWN TEEN GIRL SQUAD!) or anything, and there's lots of inside jokes... 80% of which I'm sure even I don't get.

I would probably put this game somewhere between X-Files for Playstation 2 (WICKEDAWESOME++) and Rock Band if there was a White Stripes song for me to play (WICKEDWICKEDAWESOME+++). It just makes me feel great, giving these guys money. They have entertained me for years and I know it hasn't been hip since like 2004, but they still crack me up.

Good graphics, guys.

dear starbucks,

2008-08-06T13:26:00.003-04:00

Thank you for letting me believe that suddenly, drinking a milkshake for lunch is a sustainable option. Thank you.

thoughts on okcupid

2008-08-05T09:46:00.001-04:00

Many many moons ago, on Xandra's suggestion, I joined an internet game called OkCupid. OkCupid rules because it is a dating website with a sense of humour.

You do quizzes and answer matching questions, and it lets you know who their matching algorithm sets you up with. The best part is that it's free. No, the best part is that it seems to be the least sketchy dating website on the internets. I mean obviously there are creepy/lame people on there, but it's pretty easy to avoid them, or more importantly, make fun of them.

Creepy/lame people:
* anyone with "___likesfeet" or "sexybeast___" in their name
* anyone who is wearing a mask in their profile pictures
* anyone who sends sexy messages instead of retarded messages
* anyone over 40 sending messages to anyone under 30

Luckily, there are also large amounts of wickedawesome people on this website. One dude was my 94% match (out of a total possible match of 95%) and he had the cutest dimples out of life ever, and also he played the piano, and wrote epic, wonderful, completely retarded messages, and I basically thought it would be okay if we got married. He disappeared / eventually stopped messaging, but that is the nature of OkCupid. It's a computer game where the prize for winning is making out with someone cute.

I even went on dates with boys and didn't get kidnapped! In fact, I had an excellent time. I even ate a duck one time. It was delicious.

However, it went too far today. OkCupid matched me with someone from high school. That is just not cool. There should be a selector tool where you put in your high school and you can say "NOT FROM WCI OH PLEASE GOOD LORD." Going on dates with people from high school is not the point of internet dating. So I deleted my account today, as OkCupid noted, characteristically aplomb:

Bye, OkCupid! Like Hooked on Phonics, you worked for me, and I highly recommend you to my friends and enemies.

things that were a long time coming:

2008-08-04T12:04:00.000-04:00

having a less ugly blog.

giggled the bard

2008-07-31T11:30:00.000-04:00

Remember when I used to be good at reading Shakespeare? Like, comparatively? Now I'm the worst! It's fantastic.

I would be a really melodramatic and pissy Juliet. I don't think I'm any good at playing innocent. Which is bizarre because people often see me as innocent flower in real life. Maybe it's my giggle. I mean, I am basically an innocent flower. You can tell by the flaming heart tattoo on my left bicep.

very important news

2008-07-30T17:55:00.001-04:00

Mathias Kom. my Hillside crush, has a blog. And the important part is that it's all about how he spent a month in Israel teaching children how to play the ukulele with an organization called Ukuleles For Peace. The blog is amazing because it includes the following insight:

"...recording an album of a children's ukulele orchestra is not as easy as it sounds."

I heart you Mathias.

hillside! but mostly the x-files movie.

2008-07-28T15:40:00.000-04:00

I report from the hills of Guelph and the epicenter of Southern Ontario folk/electronic scene. The style this year was all about ukuleles and suspenders. I don't know what that is, but it's good. I would say that the highlights of the year are:

1. The Vinyl Cafe live from Guelph Lake! Stuart Maclean tried and barely succeeded to make Alexandra and I cry with a Dave story about Hillside. It was a fantastic moment in my life even though I was soaking wet, muddy and cold -- to live the life of a storyteller! It was more like beat poetry than a short story, the way he measured his breaths and delivered with careful exuberance.

2. Complaining! I complained all weekend. About the X-Files movie (Why rural Virginia? But why a beard? Why would she let him do that? But why a rowboat in the middle of the ocean?) About the weather (it's too hot! it's too cold! it's too muggy! my mouth is dry!). About the crowd (these young people look so much the same!). Good thing we like complaining so much.

3. The Burning Hell. The Burning Hell is a wonderful little man named Mathias who is a history teacher that plays the ukulele (primarily minor chords) while looking really good in well tailored suits. Now, that might be pedestrian EXCEPT his other bandmates play the accordian and trumpet and Fischer-Price glockenspiel and on myspace their genre is listed as "folk/indie/melodramatic pop song." And boy oh boy we danced. I later cornered him in the merch tent where he looked simultaneously terrified and grateful to have a fan. I heart him.

4. X-Files X-Files X-Files! Tattoos! T-shirts! Soundtracks! DAVID BOWIE!!!

Musical interlude: This is Bowie back to Bowie!

In short, these last days have been nonsensical in mostly the best possible way.

I lost a light saber fight with a cute boy on an iPhone.

lazybones

2008-07-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

The BlackBerry has destroyed the art of a good email. Just like email destroyed the art of the letter.

The benefits of email -- speed, charming informality, and the ability to link to all of the wonders of the internets made letter writing -- the pen and ink with dollar store stationary kind -- a thing of the past, or at least a thing for moms at Christmastimes. Years ago. Obviously. But don't care about that. I'm mourning the death of the email.

I'm guessing that the iPhone provides for a richer email experience in terms of sharing media. But in terms of sharing thought the experience is even shittier than BlackBerry because the typing interface is even more awkward and I'm not just saying that because I have stubby fingers.

The current iterations of BlackBerry and iPhone would, for example, prevent the following exchange via email (circa 2004):

I wish I could send you the tape of my co-op mock interview almost as much as I wish that they destroy it as soon as possible. I just look so pained and fat and confused and... pained. Maybe the pain comes from what I've finally identified as a wart (possbile alternative diagnosis: alien life form) growing on the side of my face. Give me a job! I probably won't infect the rest of your staff with gross face disease! I'm a minority! Hire me! I look like a friggin' IDIOT.

Speaking of which, if you haven't seen Napolean Dynamite yet, watch it immediately. Bring it over to that foot-ball playing Banana Republican lover of yours and make it a date. Or do you have another one by now? Siiiigh.... just let me know when you actually start dating someone famous, I don't want to find out about it from my Serbian Grandmother who found out about it on Entertainment Tonight. Also, they're selling "Vote for Pedro" shirts at Urban Outfitters. Thank GOODNESS we didn't go there when I was in Toronto. No amount of telling me I don't any more stupid t-shirts with lame things written on them would have swayed me from the purchase of that glorious good.

My supposed respite from the horrors of business, Contemporary Drama 321, is of course taught by the Mennonite version of Bernie. This man is even more Bernie than Bernie, except that he has a beard and round glasses and high collared shirts. We won't have to argue any more about who gets to marry him because now there's two. We'll only have to argue about which one is more annoying and what would happen if they ever happened to be in the same room together (people will start to die). Reading Culture, my other easy class, is apparently about robots and cyborgs and animal rights. Don't they have any NORMAL courses at this university? There's a poker tournament at the school tonight and I even considered, albeit briefly, entering it (and winning, of course) just to make you proud. Dave Foley wasn't hosting it though, so I gave up on the idea.

Today is Serbian Christmas, which means approximately Nothing to me. It means I get to eat baklava and walnuts and plums, so many plums. That's why the background of the email is so festively annoying.

You were right again and I didn't fail anything. I even mysteriously pulled off a C+ in accounting, suggesting that I sold my body to professor Clark during a fit of sleepwalking. Even statistics has been pulled up to a brilliant D, from the not so brilliant F-triple-minus of one month ago. I can almost spell "CANADA" with my grades, excepts for the stupid "N" in there, which probably stands for No Good at Business.

You're coming back for the January One Acts, right? It's the 20 -- 22. Maybe I'll get money for Serbian Christmas and for Natalie's birthday and I can afford us some Spanakopita! Or possibly, veal.

I just realized that I bet our plays are at the same time. At least that means you'll be spared from Fringe. It almost means that I'll be spared from it too. When we live together, remind me to STOP SIGNING UP FOR GAY-ASS THINGS!

I want to go to Abstract tonight for Retro Night. Wanna come? In spirit and stuff? I told you about Hensel going to Phils, right? Hensel! You can't go to Phils!

This will probably be the last time I ever email you. I'm giving up email altogether. That and Coca-Cola, and being lazy. Forever.

Me!

So if emails are getting shorter and more media rich, where does my excessive need to type go? Well this blog, of course. Rather than sending long emails I type up (sometimes) interesting stories and post them here for all of my friends and enemies to enjoy and mock. But no matter how much I type in here, I'll never be interacting with a specific audience (except when I think that Alexandra is the only one that reads my blog and this becomes a love letter to her) and don't provide the intimate, embarassing details that make a story really good. Even though I'm typing more, the quality of interaction is worse. Certainly less personal. And so the internet can be used for evil as well as good, isolating us as we present public persona to all rather than private persona to few.

Anyway, I promise I'll get better at writing you funny emails again.

All the best in your future endeavors,
T. A. D.
Writer/Producer/Lazybones

things that are bothering me, 1:08pm edition

2008-07-21T13:08:00.000-04:00

1. What the eff is going on with the X-Files movie? Why haven't I seen any marketing? Why can't I buy midnight screening tickets? Why didn't Gillian Anderson give me a call so we can watch it together? What am I going to wear? It's only the most important event of the Noughties!

2. Why am I chronically dehydrated? I drink SO much coffee, which is 99% water, and I drink lots of Diet Coke, which is 99% water (hello, Every Drop Count s campaign), AND I drink the occasional bottle of Portuguese water. It's giving me muscle spasms, guys!

That is all that is bothering me right now. But it's, like, really bothering me, y'know?

my teeth

2008-07-18T13:38:00.000-04:00

So, you may have noticed that I have started to drink coffee. This happened because firstly I was hired by the Coca-Cola company to do so; secondly because I was then trained in the art of espresso by master Phong and mistresses Kim and Nee. I follow the path of the portafilter.

Anyway, my dental hygienist certainly noticed that I started to drink coffee.

Note the yellowness, or mother-of-pearl-iness of my incisors compared to Jessie's. Now look. I could go on a rant about how the consumer packaged goods industry manufactured the problem of teeth whiteness, making me feel insecure about a problem that every member of humanity has, but then again, the consumer packaged goods industry also manufactured and then summarily cured the problem of body odor. So... the CPG industry has been good to me in the past.

Did I ever tell you that I am really paranoid about my teeth? I share the common returning nightmare about inexplicably losing all my teeth. First one comes loose, then one crumbles under my finger, then I obsess about not touching them so they don't fall out, and finally I just have a fist full of teeth and none in my mouth. When I get old and start actually losing my teeth I think I am going to lose my shit. So I'm fairly paranoid about dental hygeine and sticking gunk on my teeth. Just letting you know.

The point of the story is that Listerine gave me a teeth whitening system to try and so I'm going to post a photorealisticphotojournal all about it.

First of all: Things not to do, as Discovered by Me, or the Results are Gross
do not use teeth whitening strips at the same time as drinking coffee
do not apply the teeth whitening strips to your lips
do not apply the incorrect side of the teeth whitening strips to your teeth

After three tries I got good at it! Meanwhile, Easy and Mumblin' Dan are also doing an experiment of Listerine Teeth Whitening Strips versus the Homemade Method of Lemon Juice and Strawberries. We will all report back soon.

Did you ever notice that Whitestrips and White Stripes are only one letter away? Just saying.

it's gonna be the future soon

2008-07-16T12:41:00.000-04:00

How many times have I told you that someday Steven Hawking is going to come to a BBQ at my house? I've told you like five times!

this does not bode well

2008-07-15T11:52:00.000-04:00

There is a track on the X-Files movie soundtrack by Xzibit called "Dying 2 Live."

If this were a joke song written by Xandra, or Strong Bad, I would be happy. But it is not.

people that spilled a little margarita on Jonathan Coulton

2008-07-10T09:07:00.000-04:00

I spilled a little margarita on Jonathan Coulton. By god he's a wonderful man. Did I mention that O. gave him a giant fuzzy lobster?

You so need an electric drumatar. Which, I suppose, is the natural state of a drumatar.

transit thoughts

2008-07-07T12:09:00.000-04:00

You are a handsome, young, well-to-do white man. Why attach stigma to yourself by wearing a Nickelback t-shirt? So unnecessary. But thank you for self-identifying, so that I don't waste a second thinking about handsome, young, well-to-do white men that like Nickelback. Was it an ironic t-shirt? It's just... a mystery.

And then! A man with long hair and an iguana sits down across from me. And proceeds with his lizard. And the lizard obviously has no love for this man. Because lizards are incapable of love. Every one was staring at the lizard and pretending not to be staring at the lizard. He kept putting it on the ground, and it would run (away) towards people, so that he could come over and talk to them. Attention, single, long-haired, creepy-looking men: lizards are not an effective pick-up device. I mean potentially there is a freaky lizard woman riding the TTC (this actually seems probable now that I look at it in writing) riding the rocket with a lizard looking for love seems, to me, like a long shot.

caffe bar

2008-07-04T17:07:00.000-04:00

God, the Linux Cafe looks so cool. Why didn't I coin the term "geek chic"? One day next week, I am going to walk down Harbord, get some Linux Coffee, walk down Harbord some more, march into that bike shop that clearly has all of the stolen bikes from the east end of town, pay $50 for a stolen bike, and march/ride it triumphantly back across the DVP where it belongs, just like a returning Caesar! I hope it's a red bike.

I applied to live in a building at Church and Wellesley. With my sis. This could lead to a lot of awesome decorating, and undoubtedly the best Hills Nights since the Hills Season Finale Party 2007. It could also lead to my bankruptcy, but we'll (the royal we'll) try to avoid that. (It's not ACTUALLY going to lead to my bankruptcy. If anything leads to my bankruptcy, it will probably be pretty dresses.)

don't even dare me to do it; I don't think it can be done

2008-06-30T09:50:00.000-04:00

Holy shit , Bloor Cinema! Brazil, Eraserhead, Life of Brian, Dr. Strangelove, The Shining, Jurassic Park, Blade Runner, and Rocky Horror? In one month? Including a Brazil / Clockwork Orange double feature? Are movies going out of style or something? What would happen if I went to see a movie EVERY DAY for the month of July?

This is what it would be like:

July 1: Annie Hall
July 2: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
July 3: Monty Python's Life of Brian
July 4: Brazil and Clockwork Orange Double Feature
July 5: Forgetting Sarah Marshall
July 6: Goldfinger
July 7: Dr. No
July 8: The Spy Who Loved Me
July 9: Dr. Strangelove
July 10: 12 mokeys
July 11: Oz/Darkside
July 12: E.T.
July 13: Amelie
July 14: Eraserhead
July 15: Lost Highway / Mulholland Drive Double Feature
July 16: Independence Day
July 17: Jurassic Park
July 18: Toronto Film Challenge
July 19: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but were Afraid to Ask
July 20: Labyrinth
July 21: Flight of the Red Baloon
July 22: My Life to Live
July 23: Young People Fucking
July 24: (sleep)
July 25: Rocky Horror Picture Show
July 26: The Rolling Stones Free Hyde Park Concert
July 27: Pee-Wee's Big Adventure
July 28: The Edge of Heaven
July 29: Jules and Jim
July 30: Vertigo, dinner followed by Taxi Driver
July 31: The Shining

It's like Film 101... for awesome people.

some of the stone wheels were 12ft in diameter

2008-06-27T15:57:00.000-04:00

As we head closer and closer to a cashless economy (web-based value exchange stored on RIM-built chips placed underneath the epidermis near the wrist, rather than large stone wheels), it worries me that my contribution to society (working in the service industry, and to make it even worse, in the arts) is impossible to quantify. I mean theatre is vital and everything, just not as vital as, say, the fresh baked strawberry rhubarb muffins and coffee I got for breakfast from the nice lady at the bakery this morning. How do you compare theatre to muffins (apples aux oranges) in a bartering economy? Fresh baked muffins are almost, but not quite, as time-sensitive. Damn ephemeral theatre. What makes you so good to me is what makes you complicated to sell.

Auditions!

2008-06-24T11:46:00.005-04:00

Are you an actor? Do you like Shakespeare? Do you want to come audition for The Classical Theatre Project? Of course you do!

We're only Canada's top company producing Shakespeare for young audiences. It's a paid gig (non-equity) based in Toronto. We are currently casting our 2008-2009 season. Company members will present Macbeth, Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Twelfth Night and A Midsummer Night's Dream in repetory at venues including Hart House, and the St. Lawrence Centre. Did I mention we were nominated for some Dora's last year? Pass it on!

Learn more about the company at www.classicaltheatreproject.ca
View the job posting at WorkInCulture.ca
Email your submission (resume and headshot) to auditions(at)classicaltheatreproject(dot)ca.

what a weekend

2008-06-23T13:32:00.001-04:00

"Do you know why we are Team Euro? We are Team Euro because the soap at Vesta Lunch cost -- do you know how much?(Displays crumpled price tag on back of hand.) One dollar and forty nine cents." (Easy)

Also, they played the Time Warp at the Dance Cave again. That shit does not get old.* Dan is strangely attracted to girls with tails. We got Avenue Q tickets! And, I ate a duck.

*It probably gets old for some people. I am not one of those people.

A morning at Intelligensia

2008-06-16T11:07:00.000-04:00

Awesome boingboing video filmed at Intelligensia in Silver Lake, CA! Dude interviews the manager and World Barista Champion. My coffee taste buds are watering for Black Cat espresso made on the stovetop topped with honey, milk and ice cubes!! Uhnnn! Quelle orgasme!

wah wah!

2008-06-16T08:41:00.001-04:00

What a time I'm having these days! What a time.

For instance, on Friday I was introduced to the Piano Man at the Maddy. Do you know the Piano Man? This is the Piano Man.

Dude's a legend because he sits around all night while drunks throw change at his chest and scream requests. I screamed "Common People... COMMON PEOPLE... WALKING IN MEMPHIS? DID I MISS WALKING IN MEMPHIS ALREADY??? MY DOORBELL! PLAY THE DOORBELL SONG!!!" and he shook his head a lot at me, and probably wondered why I was screaming so much considering I was sitting three meters, or rather, the length of a piano, away from his face. But then he played the entirety of Bohemian Rhapsody, which was impressive, but not as impressive as the way he played the intro to Baba O'Riley and then announced, "The end!" one minute into the song. And every week he is forced to play "The Piano Man" and it's so friggin' awesome. I love the Piano Man. He also appears to be wearing a t-shirt that says Penetang Pride in the above photo. I have Penetang Pride, too: for the World Famous Dock Lunch.

Select Strong Base for City Chase on CBC 2008

2008-06-10T19:00:00.001-04:00

Amazing! Good luck Thriller and Chase-Ability!

apple's in it to win it

2008-06-09T15:25:00.000-04:00

Research in Motion, what will you do now?

Mac slashes prices of 3G iPhone to $199.

I suggest:

Institute for Quantum Computing + BlackBerry + Perimiter Institute for Theoretical Physics = Mike Lazaridis founded Apple Computers?